May Never Die

When the story unfolds

I will still be broken

The light will still shine bright

The pain will not subside

But I will know the end

The boundary forever in sight

We danced to my infinite sorrow

Away from a shared tomorrow

This gripping agony

A constant reminder of you

And yet, I feel free

After all that I've done

I've not lost the other me

The eidolon rising from you

One day, I'll disappear

That isn't what I fear

I've walked a lonely path

Cutting off parts of me

That I've always needed to accept

Survivor's guilt, addiction, trauma

Can't keep dwelling on the past that haunts

Have to accept and live within the remainder

Loathing and loving two sides of the same coin

Breaking, breathing, deceiving

Manipulating, eviscerating, dismantling

I'm open, awaiting the knives to pierce

I am free in my gilded cage

I am at peace while I am constantly at war within

I constantly fight when I know I should accept

The pain may never die

But if I'm to survive this plight

I have to allow it to wash over me

I feel too deep

I can't categorize every emotion

All I know is that I can barely breathe

I know what must be done to not feel

But I cannot go just yet

Hell is what we make of it

Surprised that my hell hasn't taken me out

Surprised I've made it through before

Holding back the thoughts the feelings

Knowing this will break the dam

The tear runs its course

Escape, I'm no longer trying

Lost in the Neko Smile searching for a rope

Tossed around in the rapids

Can't find North, can't find you

I know I'm tearing apart

I cannot accept this desire

Splitting focus with dust

It's better if I stay with the Lost Boys

Interacting in the realm of the living

Has never been the best path

Prolonged exposure exciting wrath

Must find a way to accept what I am

I must find a way to create barriers

I am free in a gilded cage

I feel it increasing as I try to forget it

If I didn't know you, could I progress on

I'm drifting away from reality

Back to my island

Left to my own devices

Left to my own vices

The whiskey is gone

Nothing and no one there, not moored to shore

After all of the pain, release me from your spell

Release me from my hell

I knew I was in trouble

I attempt to rise from the rubble

Only to run into you again and again

I don't want to repeat the mistakes of my life

I don't want to forsake the blade

Ritualized pain renewed

My brain needs peace while still in self-made hell

My pain will never die

My heart knows what I desire

My soul knows it's black

Release me from this cage

You do this to yourself

Have to release this connection

Have to disappear or die

Release your life or suffocate

Fuck the world with a crimson embrace